and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
