what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
