k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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