you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
