How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
