The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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