I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
