I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
