I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i dont even know how to be here
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
