we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
