Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
