For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
jump out the window naked night went bad
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