he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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