I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
