Can i not drive my cunt home
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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