Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
