In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
