I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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