The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
