she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
