apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
