3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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