Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
