Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
