We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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