I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
