hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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