Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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