I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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