i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
