when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
