You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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