If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
