I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
