Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize