i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
