There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
