So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
