oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
