When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
