If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
