I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
