I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
