It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
