My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
