Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
