ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
