Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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