Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
