Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
