dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
