I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
