Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
