I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need a burrito and a hug.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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