my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Welp...herpes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
